Do you ever say exactly the wrong thing, spill your food at a party, or start gushing about something only to realize no one is interested? You might feel awkward and uncomfortable and maybe wish you could go hide under a rock.
We all feel awkward in social settings at some point. It’s part of normal life. But for children with autism, social awkwardness isn’t something they experience only once in a blue — it colors all their social interactions and makes it hard for them to navigate social settings.
Social awkwardness is a discomfort and difficulty interacting with others. It looks like missed social cues, a hard time with making small talk, and a strong avoidance of talking to new people, along with other characteristics.
People who are socially awkward might feel out of place, or they might not realize that they look or sound of place to others. All people feel awkward sometimes with others, but some find themselves consistently in awkward positions where they seem “off” or at a disconnect with the people around them.
Someone who is socially awkward doesn’t feel comfortable in crowds or with new people, and never knows what to say. Not only do they feel out of place in conversations, but the people around them may also feel at a loss on how to react to their off-topic or seemingly tactless input in conversations.
Brains with autism are wired differently from neurotypical brains. That means that people with autism process things differently than many of the people around them. That’s why they often react differently than others do (or don’t react at all) — often in ways that resist social norms.
Many people with autism report feeling out of place in social situations. It’s as if the rules of how to act are written in ink that is invisible to them, yet somehow everyone else can see and follow them. “Social challenges are one of the core features of autism,” as one study on the subject notes. (Social Knowledge & Performance in Autism: A Critical Review & Recommendations)
While social awkwardness is common and relatively harmless, don’t confuse it with social anxiety, which is a disorder that should be addressed by a licensed professional.
Social awkwardness is not the same thing as social anxiety. When we feel awkward, we’re unsure what to say and feel uncomfortable. It happens from time to time. Social anxiety is a fear of interacting with others that causes physical distress and prevents people from functioning properly in public.
Social awkwardness isn’t anxiety. But extreme feelings of discomfort when talking to others can sometimes lead to a fear of getting into those situations.
While many people with autism feel awkward in public settings, that does not mean that they suffer from social anxiety. But studies seem to indicate that people with autism are more likely to experience social anxiety than their neurotypical peers.
A group of researchers point out, “The inability to understand social cues comes from another common factor highlighted through the systematic review: the ‘lack of self-awareness’ in emotions, which further contributes to social anxiety among ASD individuals.” (Correlations Between the Development of Social Anxiety and Individuals With Autism Spectrum Disorder: A Systematic Review)
That doesn’t mean that everyone who has autism has social anxiety. It’s just something to keep in mind, especially for guardians of children or teens. If you think your child may experience social anxiety, bring it up with a certified healthcare provider, like a pediatrician, therapist, or psychologist.
Children on the spectrum often have a hard time picking up social cues. Since they think differently than neurotypical children, they may not realize or notice what is considered socially appropriate or when their actions make others uncomfortable.
That doesn’t mean they are doomed to have no social skills. Social norms are always learned, and children with autism can learn them as well. It might take more practice for them, and they may have more difficulty navigating social scenes, but with proper support they can learn how to navigate conversations and interactions.
If you notice that your child seems to miss social cues and can’t “read the room”, here are some things you can do to help them build social skills.
As parents, we want our children to be happy, and we want them to fit in. But when you encourage your child to build healthy social skills, let them develop their personality and interests. It’s never wise to squash a child’s natural inclinations so they look or act like everyone else. Keep gently encouraging positive behaviors while giving your child the space to be themself.
Social awkwardness is discomfort or difficulty in social interactions. It can include missing social cues, struggling with small talk, or avoiding conversations. People who are socially awkward may not realize how their behavior appears to others.
Social awkwardness is about feeling unsure or uncomfortable during interactions, while social anxiety is a more intense fear that interferes with daily life. The latter may require professional support and intervention.
Children with autism process social information differently. They may not pick up on unspoken social rules or cues, which can make their behavior seem awkward to others. This is due to neurological differences associated with autism.
Not necessarily. Many people experience social awkwardness without being on the autism spectrum. However, persistent challenges in social interaction could be a sign to consider an evaluation by a healthcare professional.
Yes. Social skills can be taught and improved with the right support. Children with autism often benefit from therapies like ABA, social stories, and guided practice in real-life situations.
Helpful strategies include play-based learning, ABA therapy, storytelling to explain social norms, modeling behaviors, and teaching context clues for appropriate responses.
It's worth noting, especially if it affects daily life or development. Avoiding social interaction may be a sign of social anxiety or difficulty with social skills. Consulting a therapist or pediatrician can help determine the best approach.
In some cases, yes. Frequent negative social experiences or persistent discomfort may contribute to developing social anxiety. Early support and positive social practice can help prevent this.
Encourage your child to develop social skills at their own pace while respecting their individuality. Reinforce positive interactions and provide guidance without suppressing their unique personality.